MOVIE REVIEWS
I decided since I watch so many movies I may as well review them especially since I managed to go through like 10 movies before I saw one worth watching again.
Serenity
A bunch of miss fit criminals that go around planet to planet stealing payloads. All works out well until they take on a physic girl and her brother and use the girl in a heist. They find she's a very dangerous trained weapon. She leads them to a planet where they find information that everyone must know. Pretty good movie as it is from the director of Buffy and Angel so it has corny lines everywhere which makes it worthwhile.
7/10
Wedding Crashers
About a couple of professional wedding crashers where they go to each and every wedding for free food, drinks and women. They have a sweet gig until one starts to fall for a girl who's not far off getting married. Falling for the girls is against the rules of crashing. Guys get into big trouble and take some hard hits. Very meh movie, was watching the clock at 40 minutes as it was very boring but at that point became interesting and 2nd half was worth the watch.
5/10
Kung Fu Hustle
A new gang called the Axe Gang takes over the streets by killing all the other gangs. The only place now safe to live is in the run down back streets as they are not yet corrupted....yet. After 2 hobo's try to pass themselves off as Axe Gang members the real Axe Gang moves into this back street only to be confronted by Kung Fu Masters. Excellent martial arts crossed with light comedy makes this a great spoof movie unlike the others.
8/10
Deuce Bigalow European Gigolo
Deuce is back again after he married Kate from the first one. This time though there is a Gigolo killer in Amsterdam knocking them all off 1 by 1. Deuce has to take up his Gigolo skills again to try to track down the murderer to save his pimp. Squeals regularly suck but they have pulled this one off very well.
7/10
Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire
Harry is back (yes again). Harry somehow finds himself entered into the wizards tournament where it is possible he could face death. I found this to be the best of the lot so far as it was a lot darker but I still find it so similar to the others that I am very disappointed that I paid $15 to see it.
5/10
Napoleon Dynamite
One of the better movies I've watched lately. About this weird guy kinda the schools reject and basically a few days in his life. Mainly surrounding him befriending a new Mexican student who is surprisingly similar in character and the antics they get up to. Still a very average movie, had a couple of good bits in it
5/10
Flight Of The Phoenix (Dennis Quaid)
About a routine flight across a dessert that goes wrong when the plane crashes due to a sandstorm. One of the survivors says he can rebuild the plane with the help of the others. Basically a race against the sun to get the plane built before the water runs out. What a shitty movie, wish I didn't watch it.
2/10
Be Cool (John Travolta)
About a guy who use to be a shylock then started playing parts in movies as a shylock and now he's wanting to break into the music business after he finds a girl that can sing. Basically your big name Hollywood spoof where it had to do well because of the huge big name cast. Thought this was another shitty movie but every time Vince Vaughn's character laughed I laughed so that was worth while.
5/10
Amityville Horror (Ryan Reynolds)
Based on the true story with some special effects to make it scary. About a small family that moves into a house 1 year after the previous family was murdered in their sleep by the eldest son because voices told him to do it. The new father figure starts hearing the voices as well and goes a little crazy due to a spirit that is in the house. Not a bad watch, few scary moments overall fairly ok with the truth of the story making it better.
7/10
The Longest Yard (Adam Sandler)
A previous pro footballer gets in some strife and ends up in a jail where the Warden has the guards playing in a team for him. Crewe is forced to create a team from the thugs to play against the guards. The meanest crims get in on the game to be able to get even with the guards so you can expect some hard hits. Pretty good movie, I like American football and prison movies so it was a mix of 2 things I enjoy.
8/10
Batman Begins (Christian Bale)
Seriously if you dont know what Batman is by now you're a bit special. This goes back to the origins of how batman came about and where his training came from. Going back into the dark DC comic style this Batman movie has made me a enjoyer again taking away the plastic fantastic it got to Batman forever or whatever. This is worthwhile watching and if you are one of these special people it is a good place to start watching.
8/10
D.E.B.S
As well put on the back cover this is a cross between clueless and charlies angels. Really as far as I can tell its about school girls, legs, lesbians and guns. D.E.B.S is a school of spy girls that are around to save the world. When the worlds greatest villain re appears they track her only to have one start to fall for the villain. Rather extremely dodgey but it has it's moments.
6/10
Kingdom of Heaven (Orlando Bloom)
About a blacksmith who finds out he is the next to be nobleman thing. Set back when the Arabs were trying to take back Jerusalem, Orlando's character makes the smart choices and fights for the people while others just want a war for something to do.When he is the last one he must defend Jerusalem with smart tactics and using the servants as warriors. Fairly average movie mainly due to its length but hopefully it is the last of this type of movie we see in a while.
5/10
Guess Who (Ashton Kutcher)
About the white boyfriend going to meet the black girls family where the dad has high expectations. This had potential to be a extremely funny movie but they stuffed it up so much i ended up going off and doing some other thing while i still listened. Very high rating of the worst movies ever.
2/10
Hostage (Bruce Willis)
About a ex hostage negotiator that has given up and become a small town country cop after he cost a boys life in his last negotiations. 3 Teens break into a house in the country town but unknown to them he is a criminal and things start to go wrong when they decide they don't just want to steal the car. Where sis this movie come from? I never heard anything about it but having about 20 copies I thought it must have been alright - it was.
7.5/10
XXX 2 (Ice Cube)
Basically the same as the first being a excuse for a non stop action movie. XXX 2 is this time a court marshalled navy seal recruited to save the world. If Ice Cube could act this movie would have been a lot better as they made up for his piss poor skill with plenty of good action scenes.
5/10
Robots (Voices by various people)
About this handy robot that goes to Robot City to meet the greatest robot in the world and present his inventions. Except when he gets there he finds that things have changed from what he saw on TV. He becomes an unlikely hero when second hand parts are no longer available.
I was so disappointed as I have been waiting for this movie for ages and it was a let down but I cant work out why I guess it just wasn't fun enough.
6/10
Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy (Martin Freeman)
About the earth coming to an end when a super galactic highway needs to be placed where the earth is. Only 2 human's make it off earth and go on some wild adventures using the bible "Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy). This should have been a really fun movie as it was so stupid and I have been waiting for this for ages as well. After hearing how great the series was I was expecting the most from this movie. After being a pretty big let down I was over pretty disappointed.
6/10
Man Of The House (Tommy Lee Jones)
About a group of cheerleaders witnessing a murder and needing 24/7 protection until they can testify. Old boy Tommy Lee moves in with them and he's a real hard ass and they get up to mischief. Not a too bad a movie, I really hate dumb blondes and that's what these cheerleaders are so it kinda pissed me off just watching them but it was enjoyable.
6.5/10
Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow (Jude Law)
Based around the 1950's Sky Captain is a "hero for hire" as such. When massive walking machine's start attacking cities Sky Captain has to investigate to find where they have come from and why. I really enjoyed this as its mixing old school with new school and its just a really fun movie to watch.
8/10
Ong-Bak (Tony Jaa)
About a peasant (ting) who is chasing the head of Ong-Bak being the shrine thing that they worship. Ting finds one of his cousins that left the village and has become a crook and gets them into all sorts of situations. I absolutely hate non-englsih (subtitled) movies, but this movie was really good. Tony is said to be Bruce Lee's replacement and after seeing him fight/run I understand why as he seems to be elasto man with muscle.
7/10
Sahara (Mathew McConaughey)
About a treasure hunter chasing the myth of a iron clad ship that crossed the sea. He then gets caught up in a civil war in Africa. The movie had its moments but seriously seemed to lose the plot when it got into trying to find the source of polluted water. Seemed very long, I watched the counter a few times but some parts were fun. Also having Penelope Cruze you know it's going to be a dudd.
5/10
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Johnny Depp)
About a great chocolate creator allowing 5 children into his factory for a tour with a plan. Charlie is the boy who despite the odds manages to win a golden ticket getting him into the tour. I really enjoyed this which is a surprise as when I really want to see and movie and I expect a lot from it I'm normally disappointed. Johnny plays a creepy Willy Wonka and makes the movie fun. This will be on my to buy list when it comes out.
9/10
War Of The Worlds (Tom Cruise)
Based on the original 1930 (bout that) novel. About how aliens have come to exterminate the human race. I was rather disappointed in this movie, I think being directed by Steven Speilberg I was waiting for the big effects. While there were some big explosions I wanted more, I didn't like the sounds the tripods made (first impression was excuse me) and I thought the end was lame. Still probably worth a watch.
5.5/10
Alexander (Colin Farrel)
Man how long can you drag out a boring story that goes no where to do with a raging homo?. It's a story about the life of Alexander the Great from his early childhood to when he dies, if it's accurate of course. Took so long to get started, got a little worth while during a couple of the battles then just really boring again and again and zzzzzzzzzzz. What was I doing now??
4/10
The Ring 2 (Naomi Campbell)
You guessed it Samara is back, but how could they possibly be linked with Aiden and Rachel from the first movie. I believe that's where they went wrong. In this scary movie Samara is trying to take over Aiden's body so that she can have a mother to love her. I say why Aiden? why not Jo Blow from down the street. While there was genuine scares and the idea of the story was good I just believe it needed different characters that Samara was taunting.
6/10
Hitch (Will Smith)
Hitch is the name of a "love doctor" for guys. He's able to get guys through the first 3 dates to the point where girls have there first kiss and 8/10 women believe they can tell everything they need to know about a relationship from that kiss. It's all been pretty simple for Hitch until Albert comes along who is secretly in love with a celebrity. While helping Albert, Hitch also starts for fall for a girl himself and seems to screw up everywhere.
Quite a enjoyable movie, plenty of laughs and not really a mushy movie like I thought it was going to be.
8/10
Assault on Precinct 13 (Laurence Fishburne, Ethan Hawke)
Never really knew anything abut this movie, its name got out there heaps but not the previews.
Precinct 13 is a old police station operating for the last night on new years eve. A cop killer and huge criminal has been captured and was being transported in bad weather and ends up at precinct 13. On a skeleton crew the station comes under attack to crooked cops who want the criminal dead since they cut a deal with him and if he goes to trial he'll dob them all in.
Not a bad movie in all, could have done with a little more action rather than talking and Laurence could have ditched his Matrix face but you know.
7/10
Are We There Yet (Ice Cube)
I wanted to see this a while ago when it came out but other movies kept popping up.
About a player who hates kids. He spots the pretty lady in the street but wants nothing to do with her after he finds out she has 2 kids. 2 Extremely troublesome kids who drive away every guy that wants to date their mum. Anyways he sucks himself into saying he will take the kids to their mum 300 miles away where she's on business. Along the way a heap of miss haps happen.
Really the only part I thought that was worth watching was the animated bobbing head on the guys dash.
3/10
Constantine (Keanu Reeves)
I was desperately hoping for this to be my fav movie of the year and wanted to go see it at the movies. I never made it
Very hard to explain, it about this exorcist I guess and after trying to take his own life he has been to hell and back. In the non stop war between Heaven and Hell John is the only one that has the chance to stop hells demons from walking on earth.
Very much worth a watch, it was a good movie and I plan to buy it. I was a little disappointed but I believe it to the fact I was expecting so much.
8.5/10
Pacifier (Vin Diesel)
Not as bad as most people would probably think. It's about this special ops agent who's the best of the best. When he fails to bring home a programmer that has developed the ultimate weapon he has to go into surburbia hell and protect the programmers children while the mother goes to open a safe deposit box.
Full of action (fighting and explosions) and comedy the director still manages to squeeze in some sentimental moments. Not expecting heaps but at least a little since it's Vin I did enjoy the movie a heap and would watch it again.
8/10